“I have some feedback for you.”

Stomach? Dropped. Palms = sweaty. Eyes, filled with fear.

Very few sentences can elicit a greater sense of dread than “I have some feedback.” .

My first definition of feedback formed during my early years in corporate America.

Feedback was negative. It was what your boss resorted to when you couldn’t figure things out on your own or you had failed terribly.

If you were a good employee, your reward was a paycheck, and no negative attention. If you had a problem, it was an awkward 1:1 meeting in a closed door conference room where your boss started the conversation with, “So I’m meeting with you today because…”

Scary! My heart still beats fast when I think about a “feedback” meeting at my first job… The room was dark and hot and my boss’s head was warping into a monster’s as they explained that I needed to be firmer with the vendors and nicer to the office manager “or else there would be changes.” Was the feedback valuable? Yes, once I understood the expectation. The advertised goods were never late again and I worked on my relationship with Joyce. This situation opened my eyes to two things: One, I needed feedback because it was the only way I could grow. And two, that feedback didn’t have to be delivered in a scary, dramatic way. From that point on, instead of waiting to be surprised by feedback, I chose to regularly ask about my performance. I reminded myself to listen rather than react defensively. And when the time came for me to lead a team of my own, I incorporated ongoing employee feedback into the team culture.

Gradually, I was able to embrace the positive power it brings to both you as a leader and also to the rest of your team.

Which is why ‘How To Feedback’ has become one of my coaching specialties when helping leaders unlock their full potential.

So if you’re like I was and the thought of “feedback” makes you want to jump out the window or stick a pencil in your eye, here’s what to do.

Confronting the Reason You’re Avoiding Feedback “I want to be liked! If I start coming after this person’s performance, they’re not going to like me.”

“I FEEL their pain and discomfort during the feedback process.”

“I had a crappy feedback experience in the past and don’t want to be a bad boss.”

Any of these thoughts sound familiar?

Feedback is about getting comfortable with the potential for conflict.

And since practice makes perfect, the best way to get over these mental hurdles is by incorporating ongoing feedback into your company’s culture, rather than only providing feedback at annual reviews or project conclusions.

When it becomes a regular, natural part of your company’s culture, it stops being something to dread and instead becomes something that accelerates growth.

5 Rules for Giving Effective Feedback

1: Assume positive intent.

Always approach feedback generously, genuinely, and with the assumption that they didn’t know the business outcomes of their performance. Make it about the situation, not the person. It should never be a personal attack.

2: Fill the feedback bank.

Your employees need 10 positive comments for every constructive comment. All of that positive feedback is going to make them open to hearing (and implementing!) the constructive feedback without shutting down.

Employing words of affirmation in the day-to-day workplace is one of the best investments you can make. If you’re constantly noticing and vocalizing what’s going well, it shouldn’t be hard when it’s time to give feedback.

3: Create safety through vulnerability.

Share a personal story about a time when you struggled either as a leader or as an employee and overcame through the power of feedback.

AND/ OR ask for feedback first. When leaders ask for feedback first, it shows the team that no one is exempt from learning and growing. It also puts you in a position to receive what few get: honest feedback from their employees.

4: Get on the same page.

Ask if they share your perspective on a situation. “I see it this way, is that how you see it?”

You are taking someone on a journey of self-discovery and helping them make their way to a solution.

Which leads nicely into…

5: Get them involved!

“If we are seeing things the same, what ideas do you have to change that?”

Find out how they would approach the desired outcome and give them a chance to solve it. This puts them in a position of empowerment instead of defensiveness.

Providing effective feedback all boils down to consistently checking in, asking questions, and making it very conversational.

Consistent feedback is one of the most powerful tools for unlocking potential—not just in your team, but in yourself as a leader.

Takeaways:

• Constructive isn’t destructive. Keeping feedback on the situation and keeping your cool builds trust and demonstrates that feedback comes from a place of wanting to help each other grow.
• Embrace vulnerability in yourself and applaud it in others.
• Ask questions – and actually listen for responses.
• Make feedback regular and expected. It’s not just an annual performance review thing. Feedback happens in real-time, during projects, or even in informal check-ins.
• Reach solutions and outcomes together.