We all do it.

We fill in the blanks, create narratives, and make assumptions to fill knowledge gaps.

It’s a natural human tendency.

A shortcut our minds take to make sense of the world.

But what if this seemingly harmless habit is actually sabotaging your leadership, relationships, and growth?

Why Assumptions Mean Trouble

We only see things through the lens of our own experiences.

Assumptions are an educated (or not so educated) guess, often colored by our past experiences, biases, and fears.

Consider my own experience:

I was pregnant after 10 years of waiting, seeing another woman with a similar physique, I assumed she shared my joy at the small bump I was sporting after making it out of the danger zone.

Long story short, this very gracious person did not share my condition.

I blundered into a deeply embarrassing situation because I saw her through the lens of my own experience, completely disregarding the possibility of a different reality. I still cringe and feel sick every time I think of that situation. If only I hadn’t assumed…

This isn’t just a social faux pas; it’s a fundamental flaw in our thinking. We project our own feelings, beliefs, and expectations onto others, creating a distorted view of reality.

Assumptions cause us pain.

When we don’t get the outcome we expect, our minds spiral.

We didn’t win the proposal? The candidate backed out after we made the offer? We weren’t invited to be on the board?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Because something didn’t go as planned, we assume we’re inadequate, flawed, or simply unlucky. Instead of seeking constructive feedback, we indulge in self-criticism.

We miss vital learning opportunities and hinder our growth because we’re so lost in the sting of rejection. All because we chose to assume instead of ask.

Assumptions cause others pain.

When we make assumptions about the motivations of others – team members, partners, friends, etc. – we risk breaking trust in our relationships.

When we assume that others “should know” what we need or want, communication breaks down, leading to resentment and conflict.

We fail to recognize that effective communication requires words, not telepathy.

Breaking the Assumption Cycle

Breaking the cycle of assumptions requires conscious effort and a shift in mindset.

Be Curious: Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions. Dive deeper. Seek to understand the other person’s perspective. If I had simply asked that woman how her day was going, I would have avoided the whole awkward situation.

Think Out Loud: Recognize that other people aren’t mind readers. They don’t know your boundaries, worldviews, or needs without you explicitly sharing them. If you’re ever caught thinking to yourself, “Well, they should know how that makes me feel,” try expressing, “Did you know how that makes me feel?”, and see what happens. The answer might surprise you.

Share your assumptions with others: This allows them to correct your misconceptions and provide valuable insights. It also builds trust and strengthens relationships.

Challenge Your Internal Narrative: When you find yourself making assumptions, ask yourself: Is this a story I’m making up? Is there another possible explanation?

Seek Feedback Regularly: Don’t assume no news is good news or wait for a crisis to ask for feedback. Proactively seek input from trusted mentors, colleagues, and friends.

I have a challenge for you.

Throughout this week, conduct an “assumption audit.” Every time you find yourself making an assumption, pause and reflect.

• What am I assuming?
• Why am I making this assumption?
• What questions can I ask to gain clarity?

By consciously dismantling your assumptions, you’ll unlock greater clarity and build stronger relationships.

Let’s break free from the limitations of our assumptions and embrace a more authentic, connected, and empowered way of living.

Let’s turn chaos into harmony.

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Takeaways: ​
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• If you want to be a more effective leader, better partner, and understanding friend, quit making assumptions.

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Unassumingly,

Laurie

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