The Right Kind Of Scary

There’s a particular kind of fear I’ve come to respect.

It doesn’t feel like panic or danger.

It feels alive.

It’s the feeling you had when you started the business.

When you were hired before you felt fully ready and when you said yes to something that stretched you.

You remember it?

The mix of doubt and energy. The ‘Who do I think I am?’ followed closely by, ‘But what if I could?’

That wasn’t recklessness… that was growth.

Over the years, I’ve started calling that feeling “Good Scary”.

What Makes It Good

Not all fear is the same.

Psychologists distinguish between threat and challenge. Threat says, “I don’t have what it takes.” Challenge says, “This will stretch me, and I can grow into it.”

The difference isn’t the size of the goal.

It’s the combination of three things:

• Fear — it matters.
• Capability — I have, or can build, the resources.
• Meaning — this aligns with who I want to become.

When those three are present, fear becomes a green light instead of a stop sign.

There’s solid research behind this.

Self-Determination Theory shows that well-being increases when three needs are met:

1. autonomy (I chose this)
2. competence (I’m growing)
3. relatedness (this connects to something bigger than me).

Meaningful, stretching goals activate all three.

And you don’t have to win to benefit. You just have to engage.

Some of the most satisfying seasons of our lives aren’t after the win. They’re during the stretch while we were becoming someone new.

How We Drift Away From Good Scary Into Scarily Complacent

The longer you’ve been competent, the more you’ve built, the more people depend on you, the more stability begins to guide your decisions.

And that hard-earned competence can quietly become your comfort zone.

Stability and responsibility are strengths, but comfort has a way of narrowing ambition.

That’s why I ask my clients a simple question:

Is your vision stretching you enough to require growth?

Not because bigger is better.

But because real expansion almost always carries a little edge of fear.

My Own Good Scary

I was 21 when I left North Dakota for New York City.

I went with a one way ticket, my boyfriend (now husband), 5 suitcases and a one-week reservation at a NJ Holiday Inn.

I didn’t know where we would live. I didn’t know how to get around. I didn’t know who I would meet.

I just had a work ethic, curiosity, and a strong sense that I wanted a bigger life.

It scared me.

But it mattered.

I had enough capability to take the first step — and I was willing to grow the rest.

Looking back, I don’t just value what that move led to.

I value who I became because of it. More resilient. More resourceful. More confident in my ability to navigate uncertainty.

The fear wasn’t telling me to stop.

It was telling me I was growing.

💡Your Turn

If you feel stalled, flat, or oddly restless despite outward success, it may not be because you need better tactics.

It may be because you haven’t leaned into Good Scary in a while.

And over time, the impact of your life is shaped less by what you protected, and more by what you were willing to grow into.

You’ve stepped into growth before.

You can do it again.

I promise,

Laurie

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